Hey, it’s me. Remember? Rick? Rick Higgins? Yea, that guy. I need to create a completely ironic post that talks about the very thing that I’m not doing anymore. So yea, it’s going to be one of those days. Hang on to something.

Every time I make a video or a blog post about a problem, issue, or concern I’ve had … I feel like that dude who finds new ways each and every day to be a victim. Like it’s more important to play the martyr card than to live a better life. Maybe it’s me overreacting, maybe it’s not. But it is the way I feel most times something leaves my mouth (or fingers). I see my father (and yes, here it comes, me playing ‘woe is me I hope life deals me better cards’) every time I lead off with something negative, instead of just living the life of a positive person. Which is actually the question … do positive people who live positive lives ever complain or look at negative things?

And the answer is … of course they do. No one is that sky high. But I honestly don’t know where the line is. When I’m vomiting out a post like this, I start off feeling like I’m balanced. I will be ending this with something positive and that’s what matters (or so I tell myself). But the very fact that I didn’t start the post with “something great happened today” also makes me think otherwise.

Regardless of how normal I am, I want to be normal-er. Not in what I create, but in how I think. I want to look at each moment first as an opportunity, then resolve problems, and finally wrap everything up in an upward fashion. This is who I want to be. Who I envision when I describe myself, even though I know it’s a long work in progress.

And yes Diary, I know that I should just accept who I am and love myself … and I do. Or at least I’m pretty neutral in my self-feelings. But self-improvement is also a worthy goal of self, right?

I got so pissed off yesterday because my grip on this was so tenuous. I was about to film a new video when multiple spam calls came in on my phone. I flew into a rage. My one moment for doing something I wanted was rudely interrupted. It rattled me so much that I kept flubbing lines, which just drove the rage higher. At one point I was actually yelling at the top of my lungs in anger and frustration. I scrapped an entire recording session and repeated it because I knew I wasn’t a good enough actor to not see that rage on camera. And since I haven’t edited the second recording session yet, I still don’t know if I managed to hide it there. But the point is … I had allowed myself ONE opportunity for something enjoyable and I let outside influences ruin my mindset. And thus I lost that opportunity. Perhaps it was because I only gave myself one. What would happen if every moment of every day started with a positive opportunity. If things go awry (and many always do) I wouldn’t be losing my one and only. (And yea, I know I’m planning here for the worst, but … shit, this is circular).

I want to restart how I start each day. With some moments of reflection, meditation, and positive outlook. I want to look at each moment as possibility. And I want to jettison my covid-mindset of hide-first-live-later. (Although to be honest, I had that mentality settle in way before covid). The Pivot is a huge opportunity to steer things in a different course. I just have to allow that transition to happen.

No responses yet

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *


You can have your very own Wordpress Website too! We do all of the work for you. Just head on over to our WORDPRESS FOR CONTENT CREATORS page for more information!