I started doing YouTube because I wanted “to rediscover my creativity”. Re-embrace my teenage self who was so involved in drama. (The high school department, not the emotion). And while I did, I also never enjoyed the fruits of my YouTube labors. Because … they simply weren’t good enough. Or rather, because I had so much to learn.
Sure, I liked my videos at the time. Rewatched them once or twice. But then a rewatch suddenly became painful. Because in the intervening weeks I learned something new about the craft. And I could see it. I felt like a painter who suddenly looks back on a “masterpiece” and realizes that he’s never used the color red. All of my “advancements” in the activity were seemingly to still learn the basics. And so the older creations lacked.
But I realized with the latest batch of videos, I’m rewatching for a different reason. Sure, I’m still learning. Always will. But I’m not having an “Aha! Maybe I should use a brush instead of my fingers when I paint a portrait” kind of realization. I’m seeing real creativity. Experimentation. And sometimes forgetfulness (which will always suck). I’m doing things now not because they’re part of mastering the basic recipe, but because I want to see how some change is going to affect the outcome.
I’m finally actually being creative. And it feels damn good.
If this were a blog post, I suppose I’d start preaching to the masses about how they need to find their inner whatever too. But this post is for me. So … Rick … are you starting to get it? The life of an artist? You’ve been thinking so long that a “career” in YouTube was going to be a simple business process. And maybe the ancillary portions are. But the crux of it all … the very reason you’re going to do this instead of staying in IT … is that creativity. Those moments when the ole brain waves change and you have that “let’s try this” and run with it. When you step back from your creation and smile just a little bit. Because making it also made you happy. That’s the difference between a job and a life.
Oh, and you’re also going to be poor. That $140k salary ain’t going to happen after you make the switch. You’ll be luck to make half that … and only if you get a part-time gig as a bartender. If that feeling of creation is so powerful that you want to experience it each and every day, the world isn’t going to support you. It’s not what makes macro-economics endlessly flow. Is it worth it? I’m you and I’m pretty sure I know the answer. But maybe it would be a good idea to try a little creativity in that direction before you pull the plug, hmmmm?
Then again, fuck em if they can’t take a joke. You’ve only got a couple of decades left in ya before you “can’t” anymore. And that time is going to fly. What’s the worst that could happen? OK, don’t answer that, there is worse. But still … stop analyzing and start living. Rembrandt. 🙂