How OFTEN Should You HAVE SEX? – The Truth About SEXUAL FREQUENCY

When it comes to sex and sexual frequency, how often is too often? Or not often enough? Sure, it’s our nature to compare ourselves to others. Are we doing it right? Are we doing it wrong? And the answer to your question on sexual quantity is … “it depends.”

Because honestly, your first question really should have been “What is OUR normal?”.

It’s SEX WEEK here on Mastering The Second Half. Be sure and check out the rest of the week’s offerings!

Story/Script

Relationships change over time. Take a little time to think about what normal is for you. Are you having sex more or less frequently than that now? Has anything changed that led to a difference now? And remember, ebbs and flows are totally normal. Just get to know what your relationship rhythm is so that you’ll be able to tell when it goes off track.

What else is going on?

Many things can impact sexual frequency. Kids, grandkids, job changes, stress. Transitional periods can be tough on sexual frequency, but so can other aspects of the relationship. Are you happy with each other? I mean, why would you want to have sex with your partner when you’re not super thrilled with them? So take a deep look at your relationship to see if it might have something to do with your change in sexual frequency.

Are you satisfied?

Studies have shown that quality is far more important than quantity, but that may be up to the individual. What exactly do you want out of sex? Comfort, connection, or exercise? Is whatever you’re doing satisfying to you both?

But you want to know numbers, right? How much sex is enough for a couple, and are you “normal” compared to others? Tough questions.

It’s actually hard to cite statistics on sexual satisfaction for a few reasons. One is that much of the data is self-reported. But regardless, here’s what the Kinsey Institute’s 2010 National Survey of Sexual Health and Behavior had to say.

Men first … Just under half of married men between the ages of 25 and 49 had sex a few times per month to weekly. Men under 25 had far lower numbers. Men over 70 showed 13% were at the same once a week mark.

Women were pretty much the same, with the exception of women over 70.

Despite the fact that sexual frequency did decrease with age for women, they still did quite well. Far better than their male counterparts of the same age.

Everything I looked at this time tracked right along with what I had found previously. Partnered and married couples average about 54 times per year. or just over once per week.

But again, this is a self-reported average. Of average people. You are not average. You are you. Your life is unique, your needs are unique. Your frequency will be unique.

And if you’ve had a dry spell, just making it a point to re-engage in sex can get you back in the game. It will help get your rhythm going again and help the flow of bonding hormones like oxytocin. You can revive and repair the disengagement you are feeling.

Remember, it’s not the number that is important, but the meaning of the question. Staying married is hard enough with today’s challenges and life’s distractions. And those challenges tend to migrate into the bedroom.

Constant communication about desires and feelings with your sex life … in an open, honest and respectful way … is imperative. Both partners need to feel heard and satisfied in the marriage. And sexual intimacy is part of a successful marital relationship.

So are you having enough sex? I can’t tell you. Sorry. Only you can tell yourself.

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