Well, it’s not ONLY fear that’s holding you back.  Sure … fear of failure, success, change, spiders, etc. are pretty scary things that will limit you.  But there’s something else inside you that’s driving that fear.  I know it’s inside me.  

We all seek something.  Be it a better version of a thing we already have or a completely new experience.  And all too often we allow external forces to prevent us from pursuing what we desire.  And to offer up a spoiler … it’s self-deprecation.  We confuse it with being humble.  We think we’re showing humility, but we’re really telling the world … and ourselves … that we’re simply not worth it.




(music is “scary movie”)

(looking like I have a secret)

It is NOT fear that’s holding you back.  Well, not just fear.  There’s another really big thing you need to get a handle on.  If you want to break out of your prison, that is.


(music is hopeful)

Everyone who is human has things that at times keep them from, well, pursuing other things.  The “experts” quote fear.  Fear of failure.  Fear of success.  Fear of change.  And they’re right, fear is a biggie.

But there’s also something else inside most of us that’s an even bigger culprit.

So let’s explore that, shall we?



(start off leaning in from a sitting position, ends up with me settling in to tell my secrets)

(music is hopeful)

(b-roll of groups of animals, evolve into humans, cavemen)

📍  Let’s get the basics out of the way first.  Humans are pretty crappy mammals.  We don’t have the fur, teeth, eyesight, or hunting ability to easily make it on our own.  We need other people to survive.  So we tend to rely on other people’s opinions of us to make it through life.

But we also have personal desires.  Things, places, and experiences we want.  And yet all too often, something holds us back from moving forward.

Again, the experts quote fear as the big culprit.  And so they tell us to learn to take risks.  To be bold.  And to choose action over waffling.  All good advice, and they make it sound … really simple.

(music ends)

But in looking in my own mirror, I found something else that was bigger than fear.  And it had everything to do with being a social mammal.


(Personal Story/Conflict)

(very intimate and connected)

(music is a little anxious)

(b-roll is happy people looking humble)

📍  Most people feel like they know how to be humble.  We humbly push away compliments and glad-tidings so we don’t look like selfish oafs.  

I know that’s me.  I’m humble as hell.  Only … I’m not.  Not really.

People confuse self-deprecation with being humble.  In my mind’s eye, when I put myself down it’s because I’m trying to communicate to someone else that I’m human.  That I’m not superior to them.  I THINK that by belittling myself, I’m somehow establishing a connection.

(b-roll of someone being insulting and hurtful)

📍  But what I’m actually doing is getting in the insult before they get a chance to do it first.

Self-deprecation holds us back.  When we utter words that say we’re NOT something, we believe it.  When I get a compliment and quickly brush it off, I’m telling the world … and myself … that I’m simply not worth it.  And if I’m not worth a compliment, then I’m also not worth whatever thing or activity I was thinking of pursuing.



(encouraging, hopeful)

(music is upbeat and extremely hopeful)

Now I’m not saying you should run around wearing a tee shirt that says “Look at me, I’m the greatest!”.  But I am saying that when you self-deprecate … when you confuse a lack of genuine self-love with being humble … that may be the core as to why you’re so hesitant to go after that which you seek.

Getting over self-doubt, low self-esteem … it’s difficult.  But let’s try an experiment.  Move yourself a little closer to your screen so I can see you.  There.  Wow, I love what’s you’ve done with your hair.  Very nice.  You know, I think that you’re quite the beautiful person, inside and out.

And now you say …


A basic discussion of the things that you really need to let go of, if you want to reach forward.  Use travel as an example of living a full life.  This is a Secret Life episode, so create a narrative around me and what holds/held me back.  Remember to relate it to the audience as well.

Find examples on YouTube/blogs on the topic.

I see this as being different.  Everyone talks about fear of this and that, but I want to pitch a different angle.  About self-depreciation and how we confuse it with being humble.  Seems to be something that holds me back and gives the video a different twist.  So the title and thumbnail need to say something like “it’s not fear”.  “Not just fear” is the subtext.

And I also see this as quick.  No more than 3-5 minutes, tops.  It’s helpful, not a lecture.

I see running quickly through those basics.  Fear of failure, success, change.  A quick recap of what the “experts” say to do.  (This connects me with the audience and not an outsider, which I am).  Quick tips.

Take Risks. Lean into Uncertainty.

Be Bold. Be Vulnerable.

Own Your Value.

Connect With Others and Make it About Them.

Choose Action

But then dive into how we think we’re being humble and self-sacrificing … but we’re really being self-deprecating.  A big word for putting ourselves down before someone else can.  Maybe wrap up with self-love and why people are still around you.  See what they see.

Thumbnail is the hyper-imagery one with me holding my hands out in front of me, scrunching up my face like I’m trying to push something away.  Words TBD.

One response

  1. Steve Harvey did a motivational speech in which he said that we all live in bubbles. That inside our bubbles we keep the comfortable and known. And that fear of change keeps us from stepping outside. Made sense. But he also advised that we all just put more air in our bubbles. We don’t have to step outside them, just make them bigger and bigger. Made even more sense. I hope this video helps you air up your own bubble.

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