My WILDEST Sexual Achievements (Obvious Clickbait)

Yea, sorry. I know you were hoping for giraffes and bondage, and you’re getting a 59 year old dude babbling on about repressed sexuality. But hey, it’s sex week and I had a day to fill.

It’s SEX WEEK here on Mastering The Second Half. Be sure and check out the rest of the week’s offerings!

Story/Script

Let’s go back to the beginning. It’s no wonder that I started out confused. Story of Andy and the dark ring. Knowing I was supposed to brag about experience.

Tales of “the talk”. How I was still in the dark.

The title hints at sexual achievements. Mine were that I even had sex. No knowledge, no experience, no clue. Partner count in the single digits. Don Juan I wasn’t. And probably still ain’t.

I never really understood casual sex. Or one night stands. Without the benefit of deep knowledge, I adopted that sex equaled love, and couldn’t exist without commitment.

During those times, I’ve had partners who shocked me (the bi-sexual asian). Who shunned me (don’t touch me, where’s the marriage blanket). It’s no wonder I learned to masturbate so much.

So … where am I going with this? Oh yea. Sexuality in our later years.

It’s funny that I, a totally not Christian, got so hung up on that whole Protestant morality thing. Sex is supposed to be pleasurable. Naked bodies are beautiful. Orgasms are great, whoever gives you one. So while most folks have their mid-life crisis (or 2/3s life version) over careers, I had mine over missing carnal knowledge. My red sports convertible was more about the Kama Sutra I suppose.

I’ve often wondered how many other men (and women!) were as out of tune sexually as I was? I was born in the 60s for god’s sake. The time of sexual liberation. But I was also raised in a blue collar suburb where hippies weren’t allowed to gather.

Now here’s the odd part. My parents had the obligatory copy of The Joy Of Sex under their mattress. There was a subscription to Playboy, and I knew where the copies were kept. But sex was never something discussed, or even hinted at. Schools certainly didn’t have a curriculum then. And as the previous story told, my friends were useless when it came to true knowledge.

It’s amazing I have two children, I suppose.

Crap, got off topic again, didn’t I?

I’ve come to believe that the old stereotype of adults not needing sex as they age is utter BS. And even more importantly, that we 50+ adults should never veer from the ye olde missionary position? Doubly wrong.

Sure, I’m not packing a six pack. I have trouble bending over and touching … well, anything. But thanks to modern medicine my willie still works and I want sex. I think we all do. And I also think that we all (and I’m speaking for you too here, that’s the joy of opinion pieces), I think that we all want to explore. To be open to experiences, however non-Protestant they may be.

Where am I going with this? No idea. But like I said, it’s sex week and I wanted to do more than just share details on threesomes and sexual frequency. I want to encourage each and every one of us to be open. Perhaps not to some of the brash vulgarity that Hollywood substitutes for sex, but open we should be. With our partners, and with ourselves.

That’s it. No research, no facts. Just opinions, and a story or three. Be healthy, happy, and filled with good sex. Or bad sex. Just go get sexed. We’ll see ya later.

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