So … despite a complete onslaught of hungover-related exhaustion and a stolen sliver of Xanax, my brain refused to sleep last night. At least not quietly. I kept having this recurring theme of a dream over and over … filming the perfect video. Now on the plus side, this obvious obsession probably means that I’m enjoying my addiction to YouTube. (Hopefully). But on the downside, there has to be a better way for my subconscious to communicate with my higher functions.

The part that seemed to matter the most occured at 7:03am. Where, as I was urinating into a bowl (with perfect aim, I might add), I realized the ultimate point of the whole exercise. And it wasn’t in the details. Somewhere in my dreams I finally did record exactly what I wanted to film. And then as I was starting the voice over … I ruined it. Because I said exactly what I always say. Now that what I always say is bad, but it’s what I always say. It’s lather, rinse, repeat. (And do shampoo bottles even suggest that process anymore?).

What I realized as my bladder emptied was that I was feeling less creative and more Henry Ford Assembly Line these days. That I wasn’t exploring new areas, just building yet another Model T In Black. It didn’t matter what the filming was about. Nor the planning or the VO script. It was that I needed to look beyond, with each and every offering. That I was creating Video Fast Food.

So this morning I spent a few hours trying to understand and change the next video and podcast scripts accordingly. And I seriously struggled, because it was just a task. It needs to be a natural exploration of opportunity. Yea, I know. How does one pull that out of their a** at will? I think the answer might lie in giving in to the choice of creativity, and not just looking at a schedule.

It’s hard because I usually have in my head exactly what I want to create, but turning it into a ‘thing’ is hard. I did a piece on this recently, but it’s a recurring subject worth revisiting. I know that one day this will all come as naturally as eating pie, but for now it feels elusive. And worrisome. When the actual round-the-world trip starts, I want to be in the moment, not trying to learn something basic. And yes, I’m overthinking this to the nth degree.

Not sure where this is going, so let’s cut the whine short. I’m having a “damn that was a lot of beer and I still feel hungover 48 hours later” kind of midday. I do know that creativity requires me to lighten the f*** up and go with wherever the juices take me. And that my proclivity towards calendars and schedules needs to stop. But other than that … hopefully tonight I’ll sleep better on it. Or maybe this afternoon. It feels like a nap kind of day. 🙂

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