The 4½ RULES OF LIFE That Must Be DESTROYED

“You can’t have your cake and eat it too” – Oh, how I despise that saying.  I mean, I truly despise it.  Not for the words, or even for he who endless repeated it to me in my youth, but because of the premise.  Because of the limits.  And there are many more sayings of life that we Americans take to heart.  Because heaven forbid any one person dare to expand themself.  

So let’s take a few of these wonderfully awful idioms and destroy them.  And I mean that literally AND figuratively.

Story/Script

The words are “FRUSTRATION” and “FREEDOM”.

  • Spread out the destruction scenes with rock music (lyrics) and make that part a thing.  No words, end with the maniacal kill.
  • Need peppy and fun music.  (For the talking head).  Might need better.
  • What does the thumbnail look like?
  • Storyboard – How do I envision this video from start to end?

I see it as somewhere between quirky, funny, and mildly irritated.  The title and thumbnail should have told the viewer that we’re going to break some rules, but didn’t say which ones.  Instead it used a strange fraction to intrigue.  So hopefully they come into this curious.  So right away we need to get them to bite.

Pick a 6th one that is way over the top, but that the viewer will instantly know.  And shit on it quickly and in a funny way.  Chainsaw maybe?  And then announce we’ve got 5 and a half more to deal with.  I see this cutting to the open just a fraction of a second before the chainsaw bites.

The theme of the video is obviously taking idioms that we all know and somehow live, and then busting them.  So I need to visually do just that.  Pull them out of an envelope with a game show flourish?  After each one, that idiom needs to be on something that gets crushed, burned, torn, crumbled, or something sinister.  I need to make each one applicable to the viewer, twisting it to us.  And with each bust, the method gets harsher.

The music needs to be very upbeat to offset the bummer aspects.  It needs to rise up as we approach the mutilation of the idiom.  Lots of b-roll in each story with more J and L cuts.  The talking head can be in-studio, but the mutilations need to be in the backyard.

Each scene needs to start with transition b-roll, the idiom in a title, and with me talking underneath.  I need to be holding it on a piece of paper as well, along with any other props that may fit.  Perhaps stuffing each item into a box labeled “burn box”, etc.  That’s what gets destroyed.

My demeanor is one of “let’s take care of this once and for all”.  With an evil grin as we approach the moment.  So each scene needs three part harmony.  Setup, conflict, resolution.

The final scene feels like it needs to be personal.  Me sitting, smiling, looking like I enjoyed it all.  And then hitting the 1/2.  My hat.  Find an idiom about doing what is proper.  Rip off my hat, make comments about my hair and my choices.  And be free!  But hesitate on destroying the hat.  Start, stop, etc.  Because I actually like my hat.  The video ends there with me deciding.

So, I’m going to need seven “boxes”, six printouts, and some props.

And the thumbnail should look like … me with a chainsaw looking demonic.  Backward cap.  Dirty/bloody ripped shirt.  Blade tipped at a box with a question mark on it.  Camera is mostly from the boxes angle, so I’m looking large and semi-down on the viewer.  Use the wide lens to create a little distortion of close-far.

———

  • SCENE ZERO

(Pre-B-Roll)

Downward shot of each of the cards being laid out, some written, be abusive)

  • SCENE ONE – The Hook

(hook, followed by short open – outside in back yard)

(Same as thumbnail shot, just not as downward – holding chainsaw and showing a mystery box in frame with a question mark on it – Be wide eyed and demonic!)

There are slogans and rules which hold us back.  Some are now in this box, and they need to be destroyed.  Removed from humanity.  So come on!  Time’s a wasting.

(Rev the chainsaw – sound design under to make it more menacing, along with hints of screams – cut just as it gets close to the box)

  • SCENE TWO – The Setup

(Desk, facing studio)

Rules.  You and I … we’re expected to follow “the rules”.  (Insert b-roll of people following rules, marching in lock-step).  Some of which make sense, others which are only there because … well, they’ve always been there.  But as we’ve always been told … rules are still rules and they must be followed.  

(wry smile)  Well … at least until you and I decide to break them, right?

(SUBSCRIBE graphic in this scene)  So today we’re going to have a little ‘chat’ about 4½ pesky common sense ALL-AMERICAN sayings that just don’t make sense.  The ones which have turned into the rules which are holding us back.  

Ready?  Let’s get started!

  • SCENE THREE – (CAM-ONE)

(Each scene needs a transition.  Downward shot of the cards being written and laid out.  Patriotic music in the background.  Grab all of them and transition to me sitting down with them.  Hold up the main card and read it dramatically.)

(Cards: Fear, Risk, Endless Delay)

You can’t have your cake and eat it too.  

(Wrap the death package after each reading, all while speaking)

Aurgh, I hate this saying!  It twas my dad’s favorite.  Laid it on me like clockwork.  Like we’re supposed to always work hard but we’re also never supposed to realize the benefits of our work.  

(B-roll is chocolate cake and other cakes)  📍  Yea yea, I get that there’s always supposed to be costs.  But if we struggle for something moist and covered in delicious icing … 

then we wanna eat that damn cake too!  

📍  OK, so maybe working hard is good.  It gets us things.  But we’re also told that we shouldn’t ever stop working.  That “you can’t have your cake too” thing just means that you can never be truly rewarded for what you accomplish.  (B-roll is people working hard)

You know, save it for a rainy day … which is another saying I hate.  (dump cake in box)

(Punch in)  You’re going to find a theme in this video.  One in which I tell you that it’s not only good to live your life to the fullest and as YOU see fit, but also that fear, risk avoidance out of fear, and all those old depression era mentalities …. well, they should have no place in our current world.

(Full)  More on all of that in a bit … but for now … it’s time for me to eat my cake.  Or rather, to do whatever the hell I want with it.  I earned it.  And I think I want something very special for this little package of wrongness.  Something … Gallagher-like.

(For each of these, weigh the box in your hand, smile, say something along the lines of “it’s time”.  Just don’t repeat, but stay to form)

(Take into the backyard, no words just fun/crazy music, put in on a table and hit it hard with the sledgehammer.  Repeatedly if necessary.  Laugh quietly.  Fade out.)

  • SCENE FOUR – (Desk, facing door)

(Cards: Patience, Tease, )

Good things come to those who wait.  

(Package)

Again with the waiting?  Wait for what?  “They” always say wait-wait-wait, but they never say when the waiting might be over.  Perhaps it’s death we’re supposed to be waiting for?  That would be a disappointing answer.

(B-roll of funeral and sadness)

I have a friend who shared a story.  About a friend of his.  And how just as his buddy was planning his retirement soiree he had a massive MI in his car and ran into a building.

(Punch in)  Sad, yes.  Gruesome even.  But it’s not an uncommon event.  Not that you and I are going to die tomorrow and park our cars in a wall, but honestly … we ain’t spring chickens anymore.  I’m 60 for gods sake.  Yea, I still have my health and most of my hair … but what am I waiting for?  What are you waiting for?  (B-roll in this of older active folks)

The truth?  Good things also come to those who seek good things.  And now’s the time dear friends for us to seek them.

Now, what shall we do with this little box of bad advice?  The premise is to wait until you die, so let’s have a funeral.

(Take into the backyard, no words just fun/crazy music, dig a hole and bury it.  Laugh quietly.  Do the whole weeping sadness thing, kinda.  Fade out.)

  • SCENE FIVE – (CAM-ONE)

Never let them see you sweat.  

(Package)

Really?  I guess showing fear is bad, right?  What else aren’t we supposed to show?  Joy?  Tears?  Did our forefathers really want us to hide our feelings and live in stoic silence?  To be strong against all that life throws at us?  Nuh-uh, bad advice. 

(Package)

I was raised in a manly world.  A world without fear or overt emotions.  Where I was supposed to take care of others.  Nice in theory, kinda crappy in real life.  (B-roll of old fashioned men)

Look, I’m not going to dwell on this, but I will say … I personally embrace fear.  Plus worry and struggles.  I acknowledge them.  They make me stronger and I don’t care if you see me sweating the details.  If I only show you selected parts of me, then you’re not seeing me.  So yea, let em see you sweat.  And let them see you smile, laugh, struggle, fall down, and everything else in between.

You know, I feel like a pancake.  I realize that makes no sense right now, I know.  But … I wanna pancake. 

(Take into the street, no words just fun/crazy music, and run over it.  Back up over it too.  Laugh quietly.  Fade out.  B-roll of me looking out window in truck, inside truck laughing.  Wide-close-wide.)

  • SCENE SIX – DELETED TOO LONG
  • SCENE SEVEN – (Desk, facing door)

Don’t give up your day job.  

Why not?  So you can stifle what lies inside of you?  So you can devolve into the lowest common version of yourself?  So what if you suck a karaoke?  Sing away!  Even if you have to consume unlimited amounts of Fireball in order to do it.  Sing away!  (B-roll is karaoke)

(Package)

Did’ja happen watch my last video?  Well, not the last one, because that was about crappy fast food.  The one before that.  No?  Here, I’ll toss up a link.  It’s all about ME actually giving up my day job.  Go watch it (after this one, of course).  It will explain everything.

OK.  Whatever shall we do with this one?  Are you curious about the marshmallows?

(Take into the backyard, no words just fun/crazy music, and burn it in the fire pit with wood chips.  Make a production out of it.  Fade out.)

  • SCENE EIGHT – The Leftover Half (½) – (CAM-ONE)

And the 1/2?  Oh yea, I almost forgot about that.  My hat.  Now the 1/2 rule remaining isn’t about attire, per se.  It’s about presentation.  As in, we’re constantly told to never venture far outside the norm.  

So what if I want to wear my hair in dreadlocks?  How does that affect some prissy-faced person behind me in line at the supermarket?  (Fling off hat)  

Ha!  You thought I had dreads, didn’t you?  LOL!  No, I don’t.  But I also don’t exactly have the standard 60 year old male coiffure.  

I’m growing my hair out, a la Lord Of The Rings … or maybe Crazy Al Yankovich.  The jury is still out on which direction I’m going to take.  But regardless what what lies underneath, I like my hair.  AND I like this type of hat.  I wear it because it touches something inside me.  And it keeps these wispy things out of my eyes.  

But the bottom line is … I’ll wear whatever the hell I want to.  Tattoos?  Sure.  Old fashioned hats?  It’s MY head.  And I highly encourage each and every one of you to live your life the same.  

And to get your own dreadlocks.

No, seriously.  Wear whatever you want and forget about what “they” say.  And also be happy, healthy, … and we’ll see you soon.

One response

  1. I made a tweet about this video as it was “in process”. I’ll quote … Have you ever had a project that sounded really great at first, and then as time passed it became more of a “s***, I really don’t want to do this”? And then it finally evolved into “I wonder who this pile of nonsense is going to finally resemble”? Such is my next video.

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